I got 99 COOKIES but a BITCH ate ONE!


It’s a Friday evening. Once upon a time, not too long ago I went to a pub not ‘cos I was stiff bored sitting-in on a Friday night, nor because I was not an avid pub-goer, I happened to be at this pub by accident. The pub was crowded with people as it is typical of Fridays! Not anything surprising though but was unusual with a massive crowd most of them standing rather than sitting.  It was a popular spot I figured. A live band was on stage blurring up noise with no music talent at all, just making it all up with volume probably with the notion that the louder it was the harder it would be for the audience to notice their missed notes. The audience did not seem to mind the discordant sound most probably because they were too drunk or were just getting a “high” from having some ‘fegs’(cigarettes) or probably a ‘joint’ or two.

I was seated close by the entrance of the pub when a lady stepped inside the pub. Holy smoke! Even in such a crowd of other women dressed, she simply was too distinctive for the most part in her summer clothes. The short skimpy type I mean, this was definitely a stand out.  Surprisingly, she was alone, no other friends- male nor female. Not a meat market like this pub do people come in all alone. Even if she were to be alone, then her friends should be coming in sooner than later into the pub. She had a great good look- sleek, tanned and athletic looking. She had legs that were shown off by a short skirt and low-heeled sandals she was wearing.

I sat down sipping my drink and enjoying the pleasant atmosphere. I was also scoping around with my eyes in the pub weighing my chances of getting lucky.  Judging by her looks, I was gauging her to be loner who was either searching for someone to make her feel cozy for the night or she had been ditched by her boyfriend and she wanted to drink away her sorrows. Now don’t read my motives here. I was not committed to doing that neither was I exactly uncommitted either.  Disappointed but not surprised if she could be a gold digger waiting for a loot or kill?

The night was gradually rising to a heightened peak. The band was playing a soft tune and the lead vocalist was inviting everyone to pour onto the dance floor. The floor soon became packed with bodies coupling each other. Suddenly, I felt a hand from behind on my shoulders. It was the lady whom I had spotted earlier in the pub. She whispered into my ears, do you wan’na dance? What a fat chance I thought! Was it a coincidence or she was also scoping me out? My thoughts are running wild at this instance, whether to say “No, thank you” or be a gentle man. After all a gentle man doesn’t refuse offers from a lady especially of her attributes. Does he?

Like a lamb led to the slaughter, I followed her to the dance floor. She didn’t bother asking my name; instead she asked me “Do you come here often”? Pretending not to give myself out, I replied “not on days like this”. I figured these were one of the girl lines? She then gave me a smug smile and gazed up to me. Is this a done deal? I thought to myself. We began dancing but not that tight close. Never let it be said that chivalry is dead. Give a lady some space on the dance floor when you don’t know her that well or its your first date. Let her take ‘control’ of the situation if she is a decent type you would definitely determine that for yourself. After three romantic songs that were played by the band, she stepped back and said she was going home saying “I appreciate you dancing with me”. My response was instantaneous “My pleasure”. Raising her head she gave me a retiring look which I interpreted as a fake one since she was full of energy on the dance floor and did not look that tired.

Meticulously, she walked out of the pub. I needed to act like a gentleman so I decided to walk her out. There were several taxis that she could have flagged down to give her a ride home instead she just ignored them. As I watched, she opened her hand bag and pulled out her mobile phone to make a call. Was she placing this call to her boyfriend, mum or dad to pick her up since she ignored other taxis? I contemplated these thoughts in my mind. After hanging up on her call, she asked me if I fancied a cup of coffee at her place? Another of those girl lines isn’t it? Not waiting for me to answer she said ‘follow me’. It was becoming a sticky situation I would imagine. We drove home together in a taxi. I didn’t take an easy breath until we got to her house. She pushed her door open after opening the lock. Rather than smelling clean, her room smelled musty like an infrequently used abode. She gave me time to adjust to her apartment and to become acquainted with her after our meeting in the pub.

She told me her name was Celia, and I told her my name was Sam. I lied to her because I had my misgivings about her all this while. She asked ‘what about some juice, water, wine, coffee, beer, rum?’ I told her anything that she had in her fridge. It took her more than five minutes to return to the sitting room. This also gave me time to snoop around her apartment. Moments later, she came with a glass of rum-cola for both of us. She came willingly into my arms whilst offering me my drink, seemingly eager for a kiss than I thought. I lowered my head and instead pressed my face to her neck. At this moment things started working really fast. Celia began kissing her way up to my ear. I tried resisting her kisses by saying to her ‘this is crazy’. Then she replied ‘Are you afraid of me?’I chuckled. Her lips began to rub against mine in a not-quite a kiss manner. ‘Afraid of the situation?’ she whispered into my ears. Her mouth was dissolving in mine now. I told her ‘let’s wait ‘cos it’s such a rash, reckless and –’.

‘I want you to’’, she paused as her hands found their way beneath my trousers. I saw she was sex-flushed and the temptation was growing really very irresistible now. Her nipples were distinct and fully erect as they were protruding visibly through her dress which indicated she had no bra on. I began getting hard! Tonight is a bitch I murmured to myself. Adrenaline mixed with the rum-cola was reacting pretty well on us from this point in time. One thing led to another and I can’t remember what happened thereafter.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to find an empty apartment. I smelled like sex, I smelled like her. Celia was nowhere to be found. I did a quick check but my wallet had been nicked. I was in a mess and felt stupid and ridiculous. In circumstances like this I am always on top of any given situation. I really felt like a dumb-ass and I disliked the feeling vehemently. Oh she’s a gold digger way over town? Now she digs on me!. What else can I say….If you got boy problem, I am sorry for your daughter, I got 99 cookies and a bitch just ate one!!


4 comments on “I got 99 COOKIES but a BITCH ate ONE!

  1. Just for the title of this post alone, I have nominated your blog for an award. http://bossymoksie.wordpress.com/2012/07/15/oops-i-did-it-again/
    Do what you will with it.

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